Finding Faith


Faith is hard. Very hard and at times impossible, especially when life is going really well. Having faith is easy when it drops you to your knees, but when life is going good we forget to stay plugged in to the good Lord. This is my challenge. The other challenge is the church. I love my church. It is a small country church with Jesus loving, imperfect people. We don’t have a lot of bells and whistles like the giant churches have and that is part of the charm.

My issue is the youth (teen) ministry. A few of the teens are allowed to bully and nothing gets done about it. One of my children has been the victim of bullying by one particular girl and she gets away with it because she is from the “inner city.” I’m from the trailerhood, but I guess inner city trumps that. Needless to say, other than going to Sunday service, which we haven’t been in a while, I have withdrawn my kids from all the extra activities within the church. Until the problem is addressed in an appropriate manner my teens will not be allowed to be supervised by the leaders because they turn a blind eye.

I’m trying to find my way back to faith, but I can’t even find my damn Bible. Great start, eh. Next to me lies the sweetest little girl, with a dirty face, who for whatever reason on God’s green earth will not go to sleep. It’s 10:30 and she has quickly developed an overactive bladder condition that makes her get up every two seconds. Apparently she hasn’t had access to clean water in a while, because she is also dying of dehydration. Seriously, I would be pissing every 5 minutes if I drank that much too.

Its been a long day. I know that I need to find my way back to faith. My husband is in my ear telling me what I already know. You know the husband who wasn’t much for church, but loves our church and all that good junk is now preaching to me about church. Yeah, that husband. I love him. He knows how to call me on my junk when I most need it and in a way that I don’t get mad at him. He’s pretty awesome like that.

Church isn’t bad and I am not really avoiding church, but my faith is weak, and I am just not sure I am completely ready to deal with all the people or even God publicly yet with the recent news on my health. To keep my promise to my husband, I will get my butt out of bed on Sunday and go to church. Going is a start.


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