Happy Fathers Day!
Happy Fathers Day to all the men who have stepped up in the life of a child!
The saying goes that any man can create a child, but it takes a real man to be a father.
My husband came into our lives at a time that had truckloads of emotional baggage that we are still unpacking to this day. He has been patient and kind and loves those girls unconditionally. I know they can give him hell from time to time, but they love him something fierce, and he has loved those girls as though they were his own. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be a step-parent, but this man has done it with grace.
It’s not easy dealing with some of the junk that he has had to put up with. Keeping thoughts or opinions to yourself in and that is not always easy, especially if some choices weren’t the wisest. When you love a child, you want to help them navigate and in divorce, mom and step-dad have to do their best to keep talk from kids. There are so many dynamics and landmines that you have to avoid. Being on either side of the fence of parenting/ divorce is hard.
My husband and I have had some very different parenting views in the beginning. We still do, but we are working our way through those waters. Honestly, I am not used to having a partner willing to help with all aspects of parenting including discipline, which can make mama bear roar from time to time. I guess I am still learning that he is on my side. He has my back and only wants to help. Parenting is a difficult water to navigate that all families go through, and we are no different. Simply put, we don’t always agree. I have started to see some of his point of view after I calmed down from mama bear protect the cubs mode, and he has seen my point of view as well.
Side note: When I say protect the cubs, it is not a literal term. Here is my baggage. If someone tells me something the kids are doing wrong, even if they are being total butt-heads, I go into protect the cubs mode. I don’t handle it well. No one likes to hear the “bad” of their children. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that growlie bear and I are on the same side, and that he views those cubs as his cubs too! Truth be told my husbands voice at times can bring back some really bad memories for me, and while it isn’t his fault or intentional, it does put me at an irrational emotional level. He didn’t cause this, but this is my baggage showing that still needs to be unpacked. Do to the size of the bag, it will take a while.
My husband is an incredibly hard working man. Each week he packs his bag and goes on the road. It’s so hard to watch him leave, but I also know that its hard for him to go. He has a job to do, and with it comes sacrifices. I don’t know how he does it, but when he comes home he most certainly makes up for the time he is gone. We cram a whole bunch of family time into 34 hours. I don’t know how he does it, but I am so proud to call him my husband. The kids are so excited that he will be home, and they will get to spend the day with him! Holidays, and birthdays are not guaranteed home times, so when he does happen to be home for it, we get excited.
In my life, my daddy has always been my second step-dad. He was always there for me without judgment when I needed him. He has loved me unconditionally and advocated for me when moments in my life got wonky. My daddy never had any biological kids, and to be honest we gave him a “run for his money,” when he appeared in our lives. Straight up. I was an asshole to him. He endured my sisters and I, we eventually built a friendship and I tolerated him. Then one day, some life changing chiz happened and he was the only adult who had my back. The was the milestone moment that he became my daddy. He advocated for me when, what felt like the world turned their back on me. My dad is one of my best friends. He loves me the way a dad should love their children. He has my back. Don’t get me wrong, he will call me on my crap in private, but he will defend me in public even if I am wrong, and I do the same for him. He isn’t perfect, but in my heart he is the only man I will ever consider my dad.