The woman who gave up

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Today’s a hard anniversary.

A friend of mine grew up in a house with a very abusive dad. Her mom had to perceive the image of perfection. Every day at 5 o’clock she would become nervous if her husband coming home. She walked on eggshells because she knew something would be wrong. Her home was spotless even though she had two young children. See, her husband was easily angered. Nothing was ever right and would set him off into a violent rage. Something as simple as a crumb on the floor would make him rant and rage that she sat on her butt all day. He didn’t care that she changed 15 diapers on a very sick baby. Sadly, fear roared because she worries the baby would upset him. To the outside world he was the best man on the planet, but behind closed doors was a monster whose family walked on eggshells worried what would upset him next. Her mother never had the courage to run away to somewhere safe. Through the bruises and broken bones, she loved this man that hurt her. She blamed herself for never being good enough and made excuses for him. No-one knew the truth until he past of cancer.

Fast forward 25 years of that little girls life. She suffered 3 marriages of emotional, physical and mental abuse. She walked on eggshells trying to deter anything that would set her husbands off. Each one had their own way of “losing it.” She spent her life a nervous wreck, trying to sidestep anything that would cause him to lose it. These men used their tempers to scare people and constantly threatened to hurt others. The world blew up if they didn’t get things their way. To the outside world they were all liked and many tried to stay on their good-side. At home they were monsters that caused my friend a very hard life. Nothing was ever good or happy for them. They always had to have something “piss them off.” They were never, ever at fault and apologies were insincere. My friend and her children were an image to own to these men, but they didn’t cherish her.

One day my friend gave up. She brought her children to a safe place, went home and killed herself. He letter to her last husband was “Im sorry I was never enough. I love you. Love,me. Ps- dinner is on a plate in the fridge.”

Her oldest fell into a pattern of abuse and like her mom, she gave up. Her son grew up to be just like his daddy. I don’t know whatever happened to him, but I still pray for whoever he was with. Last I heard he was doing some jail time for beating a girl and putting her in ICU.

Mental, emotional and physical abuse are the same. Sometimes physical is easier to handle because the bruises are visible. I miss my friend. She was a beautiful spirit, but the men in her life wanted to hurt and control her. They didn’t want to love all of her, but to chip away and mold her into what they wanted. I knew her before men destroyed her.

Our children are watching. We teach them what is right in relationships. Don’t do what you don’t want for your kids because they may tolerate worse. Pack up and walk out. There is help if you are in this life. I have my own story and that’s where I will leave it. If you have to fear, make excuses someone’s behavior or spend more time worrying about what will set someone’s temper off than enjoying life- you may need to reevaluate some things. Don’t give up, there is help.

Today is the anniversary of my friend giving up. I miss her. I wish I could have helped her. I wish she would have had the strength to leave, and that she believed in herself like I believed in her. She was the epitome of perfection. She kept up an image but really she was trying to keep herself safe. Her last husband was never physical, but the emotional abuse broke her. All she ever wanted was a happy life and instead she spent it walking on eggshells. Abuse has a pattern. Somehow we have to find a way to break it. Be aware of what you allow. You are worthy.

– Rambling Ceejay

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