To all the fluffy girls

It’s 7am, and you are jumping out of the shower, stepping in the scale only to berate yourself in front of the mirror (for the millionth time this week), because the scale didn’t reflect the salads you’ve been gagging down when you really wanted the pizza, chocolate or burgers.

More self hatred follows when you slip on your outfit of choice and you scold yourself in the mirror for being so “fat, ugly, dumb, etc.”

For what? Why all the self hatred?

I love you ladies, but we got to have a heart to heart.

I’ll be honest here. I am 5’5 and 125lbs. I am not fat by society standards.

BUT

And hear me loud and clear on this BUT, that does not stop the self hatred.

I do the same thing you do. I scold the scale for not showing the number I want. I cringe when I look in the mirror at my body. I tell myself the same things you do, and feel completely self conscious next to a beautiful lady.

Just as you may have heard nasty fat jokes or comments, I’ve been told to eat a cheeseburger or to gain weight. Keep in mind, I am not THAT skinny. Somehow our value, our beauty has come down to the number on a scale or our bra size. We have allowed ourselves to become an object in which to hate.

The Bible says we were created in the image of HIM. Hmmmm.

The Bible also says to love your neighbor as you love yourself. If that is true, and you degrade, and pick at everything about you, how can you ever really love anyone?

I’ve been pretty hard on myself recently. It hurts irritates my husband, which of course causes some tension because of what I’m doing so I unintentionally push him away. Nice pattern, huh? How I am feeling about me is reflected in my relationship with not only God, but also my family and friends. It also allows a playground for Satan to play.

Another day of rambling, but felt it was worth sharing. I have some work to do in how I view myself. I need to attempt to say nice things instead of mean, hurtful things. A friend recently told me that every time I look in the mirror to imagine looking at the little girl in me. To imagine saying those hurtful things to the internal little girls. Sadly, I have. Without thought, I have allowed our girls to be first account witness to my self sabotaging, and with full disclosure, I have noticed in some ways, they have begun to mimic mom. I have some work to do, to build them up. I have to work on building me up so they will begin to mimic the RIGHT things. You can tell a child a thousand times how great they are and every time they will mirror what you don’t think they can see. There is a reason people say “little eyes are watching,” but reality is your teens are watching too.

Side note: 90% of the time, if I make a mistake, I feel I have failed, which causes me to apologize EVEN IF I AM NOT IN THE WRONG. Guess what? My daughter has followed suit. I’m not a perfect parent. Props to the Pinterest moms and the moms who like to give the illusion of perfection. I’m not saying embrace you inner “bad mom,” but I think if we own it, acknowledge it and learn from it, our children can learn that even adults F-up. Perhaps in doing so, our children can grow up confident and productive women that will do great things.

Our inner voice becomes so loud to the world, and we are unaware of the noise. Embrace yourself. Find a way to be gentle and kind to your inner you. It’s not going to be easy, but you can do it. I can do it. How we view ourselves is reflected in how we allow others to treat us. I may be talking out my ass here, I don’t know. I know I personally have some changes to make, and while I’m not sure how, I need to. My insecurities and negative self- talk has to stop.

How can you be kinder to yourself? If loving your neighbor starts with loving you, can you imagine the relationships you could have? Could that be the start of some peace?

Until next time.

– Rambling Ceejay

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