The way to a woman’s heart
It’s time for a cup of coffee and some hard talk.
It’s true is women are semi-emotional and almost everything in our life is connected. Not all women, but most and I’m about to generalize here. Most women feel it’s their job to turn a house into a home. If the husband is unhappy with the house she tries harder. If he finds nothing good to say about the home she’s attempted to create she internalizes it and takes it personally that SHES not good enough, or that she doesn’t do enough. If she hears nothing positive about the kids and only negative, again she will internalize it because mothering is another thing we value and take to heart. It’s a personal attack on our mothering even if we know the kids are being a-holes. All this is tenfold if she feels under appreciated.
Take it a step further. Women like sex. Most of us do anyways. However, our emotions are tied to sex as well. If we are in a bad state emotionally, sex isn’t going to happen , and if it does it won’t be enjoyable. A man is physical and a woman needs to feel connected emotionally. Also, if the brain has had no gear shift, no emotional connection and her love tank is empty, sex is meaningless. There is nothing more desirable than a man who appreciates his woman. That doesn’t mean worship her, there is a difference.
We need to build up and appreciate the men in our lives and show gratitude to them, but the street goes both ways. Do you hold the door and let her go in first, or do you enter first and let the door slam on her while you’re trying to hold it open behind you? Have you told her what you love about her? Do you point out good more than you find wrong? Do you surprise her with a date instead of just checking it off the list? Do you know her love language? Do you listen to what she is saying or do you wait till she’s done talking and change the subject? Do you put expectations on her that you couldn’t achieve? When she calls with good news do you celebrate or point out the negative? Do you really love her or the image she brings? These are just little examples. Many men say they don’t do things because “they suck at it,” but a little effort goes a long way.
Most of us women are pleasers. We want to please our partners. We want to be good at everything we do. Keeping the home, good mothers, good wives, finances and good workers if we choose, we do to the best of our ability, and negative talk about things we take pride in feels personal. It feels like someone attacking the very core of you. For some, we will never be good enough, or feel like we are good enough.
Some men are awesome at understanding the woman’s brain, others need some help. Life is messy and relationships just make it messier, especially if cups are not being filled. Don’t stop caring for yourselves ladies. You have to care for you before you care for others. Even more so if you’re feeling depleted.
My challenge to men: step up to the same plate you hold your partner. Is your relationship 100% equal? Do you feel because you earn the money, or more money that your partner is less than? Are you carrying a fair load? These are hard questions, but the brave men will consider.
I’m not a relationship expert. I’ve had a failed marriage and I’ve been on the sideline of failed marriages. I’m currently on the sideline of another marriage failing. It goes both ways. It takes two giving it the best shot in hopes of a happy life.
Anyways, that’s it for today’s ramblings.
– Rambling Ceejay