What it means to have a tribe..
The saying “Find your tribe, love them hard.” Is the best advice a mother can teach her daughter. So many girls grow up thinking it’s okay to attack each other rather than encourage. I don’t know if it’s hormones or what, but girls, find your tribe. It’s not catty behavior looking for the “dirt”, so that you can feel better about yourself or tell others to have something to discuss.
It means having friends so close, and so dear that you can disclose ANY aspect of your life without fearing judgement or attack mode advice. Now, if you tell your tribe your man hit you they will offer up an alibi and help you bury the body. Kidding, but a man hunt would be on. It means they see the pain in your eyes before you spill your heart. It’s the people you can be so real with, they empathize with you rather than ask you how you think they are feeling. They offer compassion and comfort and encouragement.
Recently, I spilled some things to a close friend so deep in my heart that I have been burying and becoming bitter and resentful about and she encouraged me and helped me find some solutions. (Im willing to try, but for them to work, God will need to do some work.) I needed her words. It had been a long time since I’ve felt that comfort. I needed to hear my feelings were okay to feel, and acknowledgement that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. She offered compassion and prayed with me. She told me she why she appreciates me and it’s been so long since I felt appreciated that I nearly cried.
We get so wrapped up in every day life we forget as women to adjust each others crowns. Marriage, kids, finances and life are all hard. We need someone we don’t have to hide/ censor anything because sometimes we are in the wrong, and need that gentle reminder (or smack upside the head) and sometimes our feelings are justified. I felt like I was drowning, and was feeling overwhelmed. I was considering some major, life altering things. I couldn’t find a way to breathe because I was so overwhelmed with life, and I felt like a big baby being overwhelmed with all the expectations as though my feelings were superficial, and how selfish I was to not think of others feelings/ needs first. At that moment, I needed my tribe.
I needed to get it all off my heart, so that I could breath again. We pile things so deep in our core like a deep, miserable secret. My friend today knew what I needed without even speaking. I left feeling a little less like the world was on my shoulders. I had shared my burdens with her and was shown unconditional love.
True friends will show compassion and empathy. They don’t make you feel guilty for your feelings. The don’t take offense or criticize you. They won’t make their feelings more important. The won’t feel like you’re less than because one may make more money than the other. They won’t break your confidence.
I would do anything for my tribe, as they would for me. We have walked a million miles of tears. One things for sure, if the world came crashing down on me, my tribe would be the first there to my rescue, as I would be for them. Ladies, if you find your tribe, love them well. Adjust each others crowns. Encourage each other. Show love. Pray with each other and FOR each other. Thick or thin, the tribe has your back.
Everyone needs a tribe.