Screw being a better wife, men need to step the F up!

I have a bone to pick with the Internet, and Christian blogs etc. Across the web you will find how to be a better wife, how to keep your man, wives stop doing this, how to encourage him that. I’m calling some bullshit. It’s time for men to start stepping up their game a bit. How about men start worrying how to keep their wives? Let’s do a lesson here for some men, because I’m sick and tired of things being one sided and falling to the wives. Marriage takes two. TWO freaking people, not one. So men, some of us wives are brave enough to walk away and write the end of a chapter when enough is enough. Again, I’m sick of the Internet being filled with what we need to do to keep you, I’m going to give you a news flash on how to keep us, because DONE is an emotion, and when a lady is done, she’s done. This is in general. Sometimes I write personal shit, sometimes not. I’m just sick of everything falling to us ladies.

Issue one: Listen to her.

Like actually freaking listen to her. Don’t cut her off. Take an interest in what she has to say. Do you really know her, or do you know the top layer of her? Do you know the deeper level of her? Because I promise that if you have cut her off to many times, you only know the basic level of her, and you will never go deeper. Do you ask her questions about hopes, dreams, places she wants to go, favorites things, past events, memories, fears, etc. or do you hope that you will randomly learn about them? Do you really know her, or do you THINK you know her? Has she really let you in?

Issue two: walls

Does she fear you in any way? Fear prevents a lady from letting her guard down and being silly. Her friends have seen it, but have you? Does she sing and dance with you and be weird? Or have you only heard about it? Can she speak her peace without fear or does she have to bite her tongue? Is there any reason she has to fear you? Have you ever made her jump or tremble? Have you embarrassed her in public? Do you yell at her? Do you flip everything to be her fault? Do you know the right place for discussions? Walls will effect your sex life, communication, and your entire relationship. She will never let you see the real her or the whole her with walls because of fear. Until she loses all fear of you, she won’t show how beautiful she really is.

Issue three: overly critical

Do you encourage her as much as you criticize her? A woman takes criticism as a personal attack on her. If she is told constantly that she is wrong or didn’t do something right, or everything that she has missed is pointed out she begins to feel defeated. She feels depressed. A woman needs to be encouraged. Tell her she’s beautiful. Appreciate the way the house looks, the meals prepared, the way the kids are behaved etc. don’t nit pick. For God sake if you’re not the one doing the work, don’t nitpick what she does, especially if she’s trying her damndest. Again, this will affect your sex life. MEN- if you like sex and you constantly criticize your wife for everything, she will bring that to the bedroom too. Just saying. If she can’t do anything right with the house or kids, what makes you think she will feel like she can do anything right in the bedroom. Seriously, do men ever think? Does criticizing your wife make you guys feel better about yourselves????

Issue four- devaluation of our work

Always working harder than us. Enough already. You may make more than us, and your job may or may not be harder than ours but unless you’re tending the house and kids and everything else enough already. We’re sick of hearing it. You’re not the only one who is tired. We’re tired to, and yet we baby you as though your the only one exhausted. I’m sorry. We are tired too as we make you dinner, get criticized because you can’t find your matching sock and we haven’t done whatever other non life altering thing you think should have been done that second. We love you. We are proud of you. We respect that you work hard and are tired and we want to honor you as wives, but enough is enough.

Issue five: don’t stop dating us

We need to be treated like ladies. Want us to look sexy and spiffy up? Treat us once in a while. Do something special for us. Go out of your way to show us that you appreciate our efforts. We try to with our cooking and cleaning and working. Plan a date, buy flowers or jewelry just because you thought of us. Do something special. Don’t look for a holiday, and don’t make us beg or feel like it’s a chore for you. It’s hurtful. Take time for just us.

Issue six- celebrate our achievements

Our achievements may be small compared to yours, but celebrate with us! We need to know that you are proud of us too! I can recall a time I was so excited over an achievement only to be disappointed because I had no one to celebrate with. Instead, I was met with questions on why I couldn’t have done better. I could literally feel my heart break in my chest.

Issue seven: give her some space.

Don’t smother her. It’s okay to give her some space. If you keep her on a leash she will feel smothered. She has life outside of you that needs to be tended to.

Issue eight: She wants you

Love her. She wants you. She loves you and everything she does for you is because she loves you. Guys, you need to understand something. A woman, especially a strong woman would rather be alone than miserable. She wants you because she loves you but doesn’t need you to survive, don’t don’t think that you can treat her bad because her survival depends on you. It don’t and won’t. As women, we are always trying to do better, be better for you. We are always trying to figure out new ways to make you happy. It’s time for you to step up your game and do the same for us. Relationships are not a one way street. It takes two people and more often than not, wives and girlfriends feel like we get the short end of the stick and I truly believe that men just don’t know what we need or want. I don’t think men really take the time to know us. Aside from my best girlfriends, I don’t think anyone really knows the real me, except the glimpse of the drunk me.

– Rambling Ceejay

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