Disappointment, forgiveness & distance
It is the nature of people to disappoint one another. Some forgive, and forget, while others hold a grudge. The word grudge gets tossed around a lot though. Too often people disappoint and then are forgiven over and over for the same thing and when the forgiven creates distance they are considered to be holding grudge. This is not true. A mistake once is a mistake, but the same mistake over and over again is a CHOICE no matter how you cut the cake. People may still forgive you, but eventually with each “mistake” or time they find disappointment in the same action it will begin to create distance. Over time the distance between, will become greater and greater simply because they come to expect the disappointment. They begin to expect that behavior cycle. A grudge is a mistake made one and held over your head for a long time even after being told you were forgiven. See the difference?
I’m one of those people that I will always forgive, but it will eventually create a distance, because I can’t count on you not to disappoint or hurt me. Overtime, the distance becomes so great the only option is to remove them from my life completely.
We live in a society where people are afraid to be alone. We are so afraid of this that we continually allow others to hurt us, and then wonder why we are not happy. People are going to make mistakes and you can’t have everything your way, but if someone continually disrespects or emotionally hurts you, you have the right to say “you are not good for me”. We teach our children this, yet as adults we fear solitude and therefore put up with toxic relationships. We can’t stand solitude! Take some time to get to know yourself, know your boundaries, and be okay with saying it’s not okay for people to treat you badly. It’s okay to keep your circle small. It’s okay to distance yourself from unkind people. Don’t cut yourself off from the world for fear that everyone will hurt you, but most certainly be okay to ending and distancing from toxic relationships.
Find ways to be good to you, be kind to others and live a happy life.