Burning bridges in 2019

So, 2019 is here. I have decided to delete all social media. I am going to focus on living life. I am not in a happy place, and it is time for me to take my life back. I’ve been living in this negative space for too long. I’ve cut out a lot of toxic people from my life which I will continue to do, and I am choosing to bring my circle in really small again, gain some serious privacy and really focus on some things I need to do.

One thing that became very clear to me over the course of 2018, was that while I know my worth, it has become apparent that others don’t. I have decided that by shutting down all forms of social media that it gives me some more privacy, and less distractions to focus on some things that need to be done.

-Rambling Ceejay

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2 Comments

  1. Dena says:

    Awe. I’m sorry to hear this. I have saved all your blog posts that I’ve not gotten around to reading in hopes that I could catch up on them all at some point. So, when you say “shutting down” does that mean I won’t be able to access them at all anymore?

    I completely get not being in a good place. I haven’t been in a good place for quite some time now. I’ve closed myself off even from my closest friends (including you) and I feel awful about that. I feel stuck in a hole that I can’t seem to climb out of. My life has been chaotic, the days seem long and hard, but the weeks and months speed by like they’ve barely even been there. My own family doesn’t understand me, hence the reason I suppose I’ve closed others off, because if my own family and counselors can’t understand me, then who can, except God?

    I am trying to do things I enjoy…. Reading God’s Word, Bible study, worship, journaling, and taking pictures of nature because those things calm me. Just about everything else gives me great anxiety anymore, at least it seems.

    The crazy thing is that I’ve been depressed before, but when I have been before, I became super organized, developed great routines, and kept a tight schedule. And, that’s how I coped. This time it’s almost opposite. I’m stuck in a hole, like I said, and can’t crawl out of it, no matter how hard I try.

    I hope your decision to shut everything down will help you feel better. I love you and care about you, though I know my actions haven’t shown it very well at all. Hopefully through these struggles we can each grow in our own ways and become exactly who we were created to be.

    Like

    • CeeJay says:

      I still have a lot of fight left in me and I have just decided that I am going to really bring it. I got done with tolerating less than I deserve, and living a life that was unfair to me. I guess I decided that I wanted more out of life, and that I was taking my life back. I am not afraid to walk away from relationships that are hurting me. I found that I really didn’t like where life was, and so I am moving forward in a positive direction. Only positive things my friend.

      Like

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